Hi there my name is Chris and I’m a recovering addict.
If you are reading this or hearing this letter it’s because by the grace of god and False Bay TC that I am alive today to share my story with you.
After staying awake for 4 nights high on drugs and drunk I went to work late on a Monday morning. This for me was totally normal despite having 22 warnings and threats of being dismissed due being intoxicated at work. On arrival I was asked to explain about goods that had gone missing from the premises that weekend… I was also asked to do a drug test (but of course I refused)…. I told them I would come explain everything now I just needed the toilet quick. I got my cell phone and house keys and ran to the bus stop and waited for the first bus home… yes I was taking the bus because 2 weeks prior to this I wrote off my brand new golf because I was drunk and high and rolled three times outside the casino.
On the way home in the bus my mom called me and said the police and my work are looking for me and she was crying on the phone…. It was at that stage that the gift of desperation kicked in… I was finally at the end of the road, where I could not lie anymore; I could not hurt anymore people….. My stomach felt like it was full of poison and I just wanted to die… I had been living a double life for 15 years. I had no idea who I was and what I wanted in life. All my goals and dreams were destroyed by the drugs. I loved no one and at that stage definitely I did not love myself. My soul was so empty my vision was so blurred. My thinking was so distorted… I told my mom on the phone I am going to kill myself, the drugs have ruined my life. She asked me nicely to go home and wait for her. I told her she better hurry up……
I got home and sat on the edge of my bed…. My room was completely empty. I had sold everything I owned, even my clothes. I was thinking… kill myself or rehab???? I really did not want to go to rehab. The gun I had borrowed from a friend I had sold 3 days ago…… I thought maybe I must just get on plane and run…… but I had no energy I was dead tired and so thin and so ugly I could not even look in the mirror. I started praying to god to forgive me and please help me as I never want to use drugs or drink ever again…. It was at that stage my mom walked in and hugged me and said Chris you need help…. For the first time in my entire life I pulled off the mask I had been wearing my whole life. I looked her in the eyes, I was crying… I said the words, mom I need help, rehab???
We started looking quickly for rehabs as I knew I was going to be arrested. I obviously had no money at the time so my mom had to pay for my rehab…. I found a place in Fish Hoek called false bay TC. I phoned and told them my situation. They told me I need to come now……
I packed my little bag of clothes and called a friend to take me to this Rehab. Obviously I used cocaine and meth for the last time on the way to the Treatment centre… it’s amazing all this shit is going down, my life has fallen apart I have lost everything, family,friends,jobs,cars and my dignity but I still wanted to use(how selfish)…. And at that stage I was against the world and god…
I arrived at the treatment centre and was booked in immediately. Was told I could have 3 days rest and then would have to join the group and be part of the programme. (A tear is falling down my eye while I am typing this letter.)
I could feel I was in the right place. I was told not to worry about what is going on outside… I need to focus on myself and how am I going to change.
I got involved with the programme… it was very hectic at the time!!!! I remember cleaning the staircase that was full of sand and water… basically mud that one of the counsellors had thrown there… it was a complete mess all over the walls!!!! I asked the counsellor why the f**ck must I clean this up…. He looked me in the eyes and told me because that’s how my life looks, “like a f**cking mess!!! And I need to clean my life up……… I remember crying while I was cleaning those stairs as I could feel how messy my life had become because of drugs and alcohol..
I started seeing myself in the eyes and hearts of others…. I was broken beyond repair when I realised what I had become. I remember crying and looking in the mirror and the counsellor asked me what do you see??? I said I see nothing… he said no, you are seeing the devil he is in front of you…
I had become the devil…….. If that’s not rock bottom then I don’t know what is…
The gift of desperation was there. I started working the programme and complying with all the rules. I started changing.
I had to change my whole attitude.
I was dishonest – I became honest.
I was manipulating – I became responsible for myself.
I could not deal with life – I started dealing with life.
I hated myself – They taught me to love myself….
I started believing in god and trusting the process. I started to realise that I was the problem and not the drugs. False Bay TC helped me build a new life… They showed me who Chris really is. I had to dig deep and they helped me dig deep to find myself… They restored me to sanity. They gave me my family back…
Today I live an amazing life. I have just got married to a beautiful lady who I met who is also in recovery. I have a good relationship with all my family members… they even trust me now
The managing director of a large construction equipment supply company was willing to give me a second chance, I was honest and told him the truth about what I had done in the past and he was willing to give me a second chance and he employed me. I currently still have this job and I am so grateful for it. if I never believed in god…or thought he was not there.. I was wrong he is definitely there.
False bay TC taught me to make amends with my old company and no charges were laid.
I don’t have to lie anymore; I don’t have to steal anymore. I don’t have to cheat anymore.
I feel comfortable in my own skin. I am positive now! I set goals on a monthly and yearly basis.
I was in about R125 000.00 debt, I have paid this all off in just under 3 years. My life has changed completely; people look up to me and ask me for help now days.
I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams
In my spare time I am studying Substance abuse counselling and working in a rehab at night time.
I would just like to say thank you to False Bay TC (Naeef, Sally, Reeza, Hassiem, Mark, John)
“I went to the club when I was 13 and came home when I was 25”Tags: clean and sober, drug, drugrehab, False Bay Therapeutic Community Centre, FalseBayTC, FBTCC, recovery, rehab, substance use, substanceabuse